Sweat

My volleyball coach in middle school gave me a book called "Don't sweat the small stuff, and it's all small stuff." So far I've been sweating a lot in Togo and not just because it's 90 degrees all the time.
Monday I have my final French placement test. In the past two months my French has gotten a lot better but I've never experienced anything more frustrating than the inability to communicate. Fortunately as the weeks have progressed I can articulate what I want and don't want, as well as basic conversations. But today when I was talking to one of my trainers, him trying to start a more complex conversation, I just couldn't. In English the conversation wouldn't be difficult, it just had to do with how my college major related to the work I will be doing at post. Simple, right? In French it felt like looking up at Mt. Everest and only wearing flipflops.
So to be blunt, it sucked and I felt stupid. I felt like sophomore year in Geometry class all over again and I just wanted to run back home and watch tv.
But unlike at home, after a bad day I couldn't just go home and be by myself. I also don't have a tv here. Plus, everywhere I go people notice me, sometimes shouting out "Yovo" or at the least, staring. At my host home I live with a big, wonderful family that wants me to feel welcomed, so sitting alone in my room is not an option. In sum, it's not high school.
 Instead I took a moto to this Belgian restaurant and ate burgers with my friends. Maybe it was the distraction of English or finally eating something American, but life never felt better. When I came home my host mom gave me a hug and we talked for a few minutes. And life was good. Nothing was big or extravagent about today, but just enjoying an afternoon with friends over good food and feeling at home with my host family made me care less about the frustrations I had earlier.
I'm learning to live moment by moment because getting too caught up on one instance isn't worth it. Although talking in French class today was horrible and I have a million communication blunders every hour, I'm trying not to let it get to me. Maybe because in total it'd be unbearable or because I really do think it'll get better.
While teaching my first classes this week the importance of just rolling with the punches became so apparent. Occasionally during my first classes I would get caught up, not sure how to explain what the students didn't understand or running out of activities to do - but instead of freaking out about it, I just took deep breath and continued. In the end it worked out. I've been repeating the mantra, "If it's not alright, it's not the end."
I think that may be the only way to get through life. Difficult times are inevitable but you just have to keep looking forward because eventually it will be alright. You may sound like a complete moron trying to talk in a foreign language, but later that day you may stumble into a random Belgian burger joint, and hey, there's your silver lining.
In short, I'm enjoying the small stuff here in Togo - probably because I can't comprehend anything else ;).